How to Decide Whether to Hold on or Let Go

How to Decide Whether to Hold on or Let Go


Doctor Neha: Welcome to Talk Rx with Doctor Neha. We’re filming in Costa Rica, and I’m actually at a Qoya retreat with my dear friend and Qoya teacher, Rochelle. She is a brave soul willing to ask a question, have a conversation, and share about communication so that all of you can learn as we both do. Thanks for coming, Rochelle.

Rochelle: Thank you. I’m so excited.

Doctor Neha: What are you thinking about?

Rochelle: One of the things that’s at the center of my life right now related to my desire to begin a journey of motherhood. I’m noticing part of it is about giving away a little bit of control. I’m also experiencing that with Qoya right now. I’ve certified about 300 teachers, and I have this vision of them stepping into this leadership role as I start to pull back a little bit to become more of a visionary and less on the front line.

So one of the issues that came up for me last week—which I just surrendered into authenticity—is I really, really, really want this Qoya retreat to be a place where everyone can express their truth and share their medicine. Simultaneously I really, really need the elements of Qoya to be honored and kept. So it creates an interesting communication style. Everyone’s amazing, but I also need them to stay in the integrity of Qoya. Then speaking about that concern and wanting to be in my full integrity was similar to that dance also of motherhood. It’s like you birth a child, but you can’t control what it does. I want to give Qoya freshness so it doesn’t become stagnant rather than everyone saying a script and simultaneously I need to ensure it doesn’t change so that—

Doctor Neha: You don’t recognize it.

Rochelle: Exactly.

Doctor Neha: For those of you listening, Qoya is dance. It’s a form of dance that Rochelle has founded. You can check it out at It’s an incredible mixture. I’m going to let you say a little bit.

Rochelle: Of course. On a surface level, it’s a dance class that combines yoga, creative expression through dance, and feminine movement. Then, on a deeper level—mental and emotional level—it really gives us the opportunity to experience movement as metaphor, having movement with meaning, movement as prayer, and movement as medicine. Then I would say on a spirit or soul level, it gives you this opportunity to feel all of yourself embodied. That’s something that’s hard to put into words, but if you have danced around a fire or had a great time at a wedding and you’ve felt all of yourself present and expressive in your body, that’s what I’m talking about.

Doctor Neha: I love when she says movement as medicine. As a physician, I was actually brought to tears the first time I heard that. I can even feel myself a little emotional right now because that’s not traditionally how I think of medicine, which would be me and a prescription pad helping a patient. So we’re really expanding the idea of what medicine is to you.

Back to this struggle where you said, I’m considering having a child and I’m birthing Qoya and moving it out into the world and seeing a parallel. One of the things you say is there’s no way you can do Qoya wrong. The way you know you’re doing it right is because it feels good in your body. So you give this freedom in classes and with instructors, and then there’s this part of you that’s saying, “Can you please do it the way I told you?”

Rochelle: Exactly.

Doctor Neha: In my next book about power, I talk about me, we, and world. What I love is you embody this so well. The questions are: Who am I? How can I stand in my personal power? Someone in one of our classes said, “What I love about Rochelle is she thinks and says, ‘I’m divine and so are you.'” I love that. You believe in your own personal power. Then there’s this we place, because you believe in the power of sisterhood and community and the collective. You believe in the we of Qoya, which are these 300 teachers. Then there’s this world piece where Qoya is all for the impact of something greater than us.

Where do you feel it in your body when you feel that piece of control coming in or letting go or whatever that is? Where is that in your body?

Rochelle: I feel it more like here [pointing to her belly] in the me because I feel like part of my goal in this life was to anchor that vibration [of Qoya]. If it changes too much, it feels like I didn’t do what I came here to do. I actually want everyone to be their authentic selves. I would never want to inhibit their expression or their creativity. I have no interest in that, but if it’s going to be called Qoya, then it’s Qoya. If it evolves into some other creative expression, then—

Doctor Neha: It’s called something else.

Rochelle: Then it’s called [something else]. For me, I really feel that there would be this deep sadness in myself that I didn’t do what I came here to do.

Doctor Neha: Rochelle, where do you feel that in your body? Because you had your hands right here over your abdomen.

Rochelle: I definitely feel it right here [in my belly].

Doctor Neha: That’s right where the baby would be. Take a moment to take a nice deep breath all the way down into your abdomen, right. Noticing that there’s a big change happening here. You’ve birthed something already that you’ve nurtured and grown. Now, you’re kind of shifting and birthing something else that would almost be like a second child. What is the gift that would come from this baby? What is it that you’re looking forward to?

Rochelle: Well, I feel like in exploring having a child I would change my life to all the things that I want to do, which is a lot about slowing down, writing more, having a more internal life. I’ve been teaching and traveling for the last nine years and I love it, but I’m feeling a deep call to root. I don’t feel like I need a child to do that, but I feel like in preparing my life for one, it starts to give me permission to do the things that I really want to do, like have a garden. That’s like my goal in life is to have a garden.

Doctor Neha: Tell me what you’re going to miss as your life changes.

Rochelle: I’ll definitely miss the novelty and the synchronicity that happens when I travel. I feel that in daily life, but I feel it more when I travel.

Doctor Neha: Let’s tap into that novelty, that synchronicity, that knowing that when you’re traveling amazing things happen and you didn’t have to control them. You didn’t have to orchestrate them. They just happen, right.

Rochelle: You’re very clever. Yeah.

Doctor Neha: Where is that in your body?

Rochelle: That’s more up here in my heart and my chest.

Doctor Neha: That piece of you would almost balance out that other piece of you that’s lower in your abdomen. Can you feel that?

Rochelle: I can.

Doctor Neha: I feel the expansiveness just sitting next to you. I even hear the beautiful sounds [of nature] around us right now, which I think are synchronistic.

Rochelle: I do too.

Doctor Neha: We’re going to come back to the idea in the beginning that you had mentioned around birthing this new experience for you and Qoya morphing into something that you didn’t expect or didn’t think it should be or that might turn into something that makes you feel like you didn’t do what you were supposed to do. I’m going to ask you a question then. Do you trust that you would be able to have a conversation about that?

Rochelle: Yes, definitely.

Doctor Neha: Do you trust in the relationships that you’ve built as you’ve birthed and shared Qoya with others?

Rochelle: Yes.

Doctor Neha: How would you know that something needed to be talked about or brought up?

Rochelle: It’d probably be a combination of sensing something and getting feedback from other people who told me.

Doctor Neha: Great. Do you feel like you’ve developed the kind of trust and relationships to make that happen?

Rochelle: Yes, definitely.

Doctor Neha: If that situation happened, do you feel confident that you would be able to have those conversations?

Rochelle: Yes.

Doctor Neha: Okay, so help me understand.

Rochelle: It’s not that big of a deal to move in the direction of what I’m being called to, knowing that communication would be key. I have full trust that that could happen in a really good way.

Doctor Neha: I wonder what it might feel like if you could have it all.

Rochelle: That would be amazing.

Doctor Neha: I think you’re pretty close. For all of you out there who notice you’re in a transition—something’s changing where you’re birthing something new and you’re worried that you might be letting go of something else and it might not be able to sustain itself without you—tap in and use your body to help you know where you feel that. Then ask yourself what is it that you get from this new arena that you’re moving into? What is it that you think you’re giving up? Do you trust yourself enough that if the thing you’re worrying about in the future happens, you’d be able to have a conversation about it? If you do, you’re all set.

If you don’t feel confident that you’d be able to have a conversation about it, keep watching these videos. I promise you, we’ll help you with that. All right. Thank you, Rochelle.

Rochelle: Thank you, Neha.

Doctor Neha: So excited, can’t wait to hear how this all unfolds.


Awareness Prescription

    1. What do you think you’re giving up?

    2. Where might there be possibility in this new arena? What will you gain?

    3. If something comes up that you don’t expect, do you trust yourself enough to be able to have a conversation about it? (If not, keep watching these videos and get a copy of TalkRx: Five Steps To Honest Conversations That Create Connection, Health and Happiness —I’m just sayin’!)